#my toaster oven sure is trusty

[elainescookingforthesoul]

TRANSCRIPT for Episode 1.13 “Robin’s Biscuits and Gravy” (PART 2/2)

ACT II

[TICKING OF TOASTER OVEN]

ELAINE: Welcome back, listeners--

[TOASTER OVEN DINGS]

ELAINE: Oh! Our first round of biscuits may be...well, Robin, are they done, you think?

ROBIN: Nope, not even close.

ELAINE: Well, that's okay. All too often, the forces that support us disappear before we're done.  Let's crank the timer for another couple minutes and get cracking on that gravy.

[TOASTER OVEN CRANKED, RESUMES TICKING]

ROBIN: Oh shoot, you know what?

ELAINE: What is it?

ROBIN: I always do this. You know how sometimes you'll, like, tell someone a story and then towards the end, you realize you forgot an important detail? Like, you'd be telling that riddle about the hanged man in the locked room, your friend would be trying to solve it for ages, and then you'd be like oh I forgot to say, there was a puddle of water! 

ELAINE: Ah, the man that stood on the ice block, yes. What did you forget?

ROBIN: I was supposed to reserve two tablespoons of flour but totally just dumped the whole cup for the biscuits. Can you spot me some flour?

ELAINE: Well, as you know a huge portion of my rations is shipped to my senator because of my federal student loans...

ROBIN: Even just two tablespoons?

ELAINE: I'm only left with one tablespoon.

ROBIN: We can work with that. Let me just set this--uumph--hot plate right up on the dental chair here. That sucker is heavy.

[HOT PLATE CLANGS]

ELAINE: More to love, right?

ROBIN: You know it, babe.

[GAS/LIGHTER WHOOSH]

ROBIN: Cool. So we start with one tablespoon of oil, put that in this very small one-quart pot. And the extra-thin bottom means that I'll just turn this flame way down because that oil is already practically spitting...Alright. Then we add this one sad tablespoon of flour.

ELAINE: It looks like those two elements have formed a kind of lumpy paste almost immediately.

ROBIN: Yup. Now, I'm just gonna add about a cup of this vegetable stock here very slowly, as I stir with this fork.

[STOCK POURS]

ROBIN: And then I just stir stir stir until the gravy thickens.

ELAINE: You know what? You can tell it has thickened into a nice robust brown gravy. That was very fast. I assume we would add salt and pepper to taste, if we had any to spare?

[TOASTER OVEN DINGS]

ELAINE: Precisely. Just in time as our first two biscuits--well, they are at least starting to look done.

ROBIN: This gravy is a hundred percent ready, and it does not hold shape if it has to be reheated. Those biskies look close enough to me. Should we just go for it? They're basically just vessels for the gravy, honestly.

ELAINE: Let's just give them one more minute.

[CRANK AND TICKING OF TOASTER OVEN]

ELAINE: See if we can get a little browning action--

[AGGRESSIVE KNOCKING AT DOOR]

[GRAVY BUBBLING] 

[TOASTER TICKING]

ROBIN: What was that?

ELAINE: They don't know we're in here.

[AGGRESSIVE KNOCKING]

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: We know you're in there!

ROBIN: I think they know we're in here.

ELAINE: Shh! Okay. We're not doing anything illegal. We'll just move this hot plate under here--oh my god it's heavy--here. Go ahead and get into the chair, Robin, and relax to this light jazz album we've been listening to the whole time.

[LIGHT MUZAK PIPES IN--CATERINA VALENTE]

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: We are responding to a report about bread being made!

ELAINE: We're just doing a routine cleaning. I'm going to cover this work-related hot plate, toaster oven, and small pot of gravy with three or four of these paper bibs with curly cue clips. Here's one for you, Robin. Lucky this very expensive bluetooth microphone is very discreet, so this bib should cover everything...perfect.

[PAPER RUSTLES OVER MIC]

ROBIN: Should I take my ponytail down, or just uncomfortably balance my head on top of it?

ELAINE: Oh, whatever you've been doing this whole time is fine with me, I'm just adjusting my face mask and gloves that I've been donning the whole time, as you know.

[KNOCKING CONTINUES]

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Open the door or we will break it down!

ELAINE: Now Robin, I need you hold this water inside your mouth...

[DOOR BLASTS IN] 

OFFICER BAKER: Don't move!

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Ad Ministers 457 through 466 sweep perimeter. Ad Ministers 467 through 480 surround enemy!

AD MINISTER 477: Nobody knows my family's dirty laundry like Stuff N Fluff Laundry Detergent!

AD MINISTER 468: Bats her eyes and even talks!

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Ad Ministers on mute. Officer Baker report to me when scan is complete.

[BOOTS STOMP]

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Pans where we can see them!

ELAINE: And spit, please, Robin.

[SPITTING]

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Hands up!

ELAINE: Officer, I do apologize! We just had a late-night cleaning, and I had my hands quite full with several pointy dental instruments and a tiny mirror as you can plainly see. Do you have an appointment?

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: No, Doctor, the only appointment we have is with a person making illicit breads. Haven't heard of any such thing happening around these parts, have you?

ROBIN: She's been all up in my mouth area for the past hour, sir! 

ELAINE: I am simply providing a service. One that you and your family may need one day, I might remind you.

OFFICER BAKER: Perimeter is clear, Captain! Perhaps it was a different dental clinic, sir. There are two others on this block, could be the caller misremembered the name.

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Could be...Could be...You know I just loath the dentist...

ELAINE: Yes, it's not a fun, but a necessary serv--

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: The scent of latex and bubble gum, of sight of open jaws and prodding fingers, the sound of hair-raising drills and excruciating small talk. You know as a young boy, a dentist told me my midline was off-center. I was always so proud of my naturally straight, flawless teeth, and here this yahoo was essentially telling me that my whole head wasn't on straight. Maybe he was right. I watched him die immediately after he told me that...heart attack. Or so said the coroner's report. Still not convinced it wasn't my own bruised ego and flaring rage reaching out across the ether to snuff out his small and sniveling flouride-poisoned existence. What do you think, doc? Think my midline is off?

ELAINE: Um...you're a little too close to my face for me to be certain--

[KRAUSE GROWLS SOFTLY]

ELAINE: Ah yes, now I see--your teeth look perfect to me, sir! And perfectly centered. The tiny gap between your front teeth lines up perfectly to your perfectly centered and definitely not-ever-broken nose!

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Hm. Still. These days I can't pass a dentist's office without my teeth being set to a grind. 

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Well well well...Well well well well well. What have we here?

ELAINE: That's a poster displaying the anatomy of the tooth, sir.

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: And the pink part?

ELAINE: That's the gumline, sir.

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Hm. You seem to know your stuff. You're not so bad for a lousy good-for-nothing dentist. Mind if I come in and get a check-up sometime when I'm off the clock? 

ELAINE: Of course, sir. It'd be an honor.

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Hm. Alright then. Move out!

[TOASTER OVEN DINGS]

[BOOTS WALK SLOWLY]

[PAPER RUSTLES]

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Are those...biscuits?

ROBIN: RUN ELAINE!

[HUGE KERFUFFLE ENSUES]

[TASERS BUZZ]

[DENTAL TOOLS FLY]

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: They're in the waiting room!

ELAINE: I thought you said biscuits didn't count as bread!

ROBIN: I lied! 

[PANS CLANG]

OFFICER BAKER: There, by the kiddie table with the crazy abacus thing!

ELAINE: WHY?

ROBIN: I just wanted to do what I wanted to do for once! I just need to feel like I had some kind of control!

ELAINE: That's not how the world works now!

ROBIN: I know!

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: It's two of you versus a dozen Ad Ministers, ladies. You might as well give up now. 

ELAINE: Maybe we should...

ROBIN: Elaine, look at me. Look at my eyeballs. We are never giving up.

ELAINE: Well we can't stay hidden under this desk forever. 

ROBIN: Nope. We can't. But maybe we can slip right between--

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: My toes! Agh! She stabbed me in the toes with a pen!

ELAINE: Actually, it was the dental explorer probe. 

ROBIN: And I prefer gender--cha!--neutral--cha!--pronouns!

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Ahhh! My other toes! They're getting away!

ELAINE: Run!

OFFICER BAKER: Oh, no you don't!

[DOOR BELL JANGLES]

ROBIN: Go, Elaine, she can't hold us both, just go--Ah!

[THUD]

[ROBIN GROANS]

OFFICER BAKER: Got the one subdued, sir. Should I pursue the doctor on foot, or--

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Negative. It's not worth our resources to pursue outdoors. A shame. I've got a real hot tooth I need to have someone look at... Well, it's late. I'll take this one in. You go ahead and burn the place to the ground as usual. No dilly-dallying, okay?

OFFICER BAKER: Roger that, sir. You'll take the prisoner and the Ad Ministers with you?

CAPTAIN KRAUSE: Sure. Ad Ministers assemble! Initiate fastest route to Basecamp.

[BOOTS STOMP]

[TAPE CUTS, PICKS UP AGAIN]

ELAINE: Welcome back to the show, I do apologize for the abrupt disruption. Listeners, I just wanted to give you a couple quick updates before I formally end this episode... Number one, although blackened with soot, my trusty one-quart pot has found its way to my doorstep. This has given me reason to continue to keep out both hope and potable water for Robin Jones. I encourage all listeners to do the same. Secondly, biscuits are considered bread. Lastly, I'd like to thank you, dear listener, for continuing to support Elaine's Cooking Podcast for the Soul... I know that occasionally the future seems bleak. One night, you may find all of your finest cooking, dental, and podcast equipment engulfed in a fire so unbreachable that you feel that only the fear and hate in your heart is icy enough to stay the blaze. But it isn't, and it doesn't. Sometimes, a friend must stay far away, and the staggering unlikelihood that you will ever see them again is like a match dragged along the back of your throat, painful, overwhelming. Sometimes, the floor you stand on falls beneath your very feet...But falling is not always failing. Sometimes that fall leads you into earthy depths with good acoustics and hand-generated electricity. A space with seemingly endless amounts of kerosene and a mess kit and jars upon jars of familiar foods. Sometimes, a fall can drive you into the ground with such force, you can see yourself growing roots. Sometimes, listeners, you end up landing right where you're meant to be. We may have lost some things along the way, but I think Robin said it best: We are never giving up. You may not hear from me for the next few weeks, but rest assured--I will be back. There are so many things to cook up, after all...Until then, this is Elaine Martínez, not crying, hugging you goodbye.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

END OF ACT II.

[unwritrecipes]

Small Batch Toaster Oven Double Chocolate Cookies

Yes, it's come to this. We have now been without a kitchen for some 56 days and last week my daughter and I decided to bravely face a new frontier:  toaster oven baking. And you know what? Our trusty little old countertop appliance came through with flying colors!! Not sure how it would do with a small cake or more complicated pastry, but as far as baking this small batch of cookies (4 to be exact) it was a champ! These are the cookies of any chocoholic's dreams!!

Before going the toaster oven route, we tried a variety of mug cakes, all of which left us feeling rather "meh". They're certainly easy to make but gummy and not all that satisfying. Maybe I'm doing it wrong--if you've had any great success with microwave baking, I'd love to hear any tips or tricks you have. Meanwhile, I am seriously hooked on this toaster oven experience and would like to try a crumble or a lava cake or anything that would work well in a ramekin. Can you tell I've been without an oven for too long?!!!

But enough griping, let me now try to express just how delicious these double chocolate cookies are and I know this cookie love is not just because we've been deprived of home-baked goods for so long. Large, chewy, rich, full of dark chocolate chips, these entirely satisfy. Plus, they come together quickly without a mixer (another boon for bedroom cooking) and keep you from stuffing too many in your mouth and completely ruining everything, because the entire recipe makes only 4 cookies!! I think I know what's on the agenda for tonight!!! Yum!!

 Small Batch Toaster Oven Double Chocolate Cookies

Makes 4 large cookies

Prep Time:  10 minutes; Bake Time:  Anywhere from 10-14 minutes per cookie, depending on your oven and how underdone you like your cookies-- I had to bake these one at a time because they spread a lot while baking

Ingredients

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

1/4 cup light brown sugar, packed

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

1 large egg yolk

3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 cup unbleached, all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/8 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup dark chocolate chips or chunks

The Recipe

1.  Preheat toaster oven or conventional oven to 350ºF. Line the toaster oven pan or a baking sheet for a conventional oven with parchment paper and set aside.

2.  Place the melted butter and both sugars in a medium bowl and whisk together well. Add in the egg yolk and vanilla and whisk in well, beating until the mixture is smooth. Set aside.

3.  In a separate medium bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt, breaking up any lumps. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ones and use a spoon to incorporate them together, just until no flour is visible. You don't want to over mix. Fold in the chocolate chips. Divide the dough into 4 pieces and flatten out each piece a little into a small disk. If using a toaster oven, I would advise you cook one cookie at a time as these spread a lot while baking. If using an oven, you can cook them all at once.

4.  Place the cookie or cookies on the prepared sheet and bake for 10-14 minutes, reversing the tray halfway through the process for even cooking. These are best a little underbaked, so once the edges are set and the centers are still a little soft, you should remove them and let them cool. Transfer the tray to a baking sheet and let cool for a few minutes, before transferring the cookies themselves to the rack to finish cooling.

Enjoy!

Note:  Recipe adapted from Treats and Eats